Date:	2004-11-12 11:47
Subject:	The world is full of surprises.
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

Instead of tearing up, Tokio expressed pleasure with the school’s hot spring idea. Practically shooed me out of the door, with her opinion that I’ve been far too intense on experiments lately, so much so that Itou the monkey had made off with my stash of soba without my realisation. No, not ‘intense’… I believe she used the word ‘distracted’, which is really not quite to my understanding. How can one be ‘distracted’, if one was working diligently on his experiments and nothing else save for grading several meager assignments?

Hn. Coffee stains on the table. We certainly have the best motel in the region.

Serizawa-san has oddly opted to stay in Tokyo… something, I believe, about a “welcome-home party filled with glorious cans of flying rainbow-coloured bread beer”. He has been taking great care in measuring the structure of Hijikata-san’s office, as well as examining the floor plan of the school building. Rather a quiet return for the loud old man… all he did was appear behind me and attempt to drop a dead penguin down my shirt, and remained invisible thereafter. Save for the little farewell party he threw, involving asparagus, a pair of musty old boxers, Tokio’s best china, and the blender. Spouted some inane message of how the blending symbolised my eternally loving relationship with Tokio – which caused the sweet girl to run to the bathroom, hand over her mouth. I suppose it was the thought that counted.

So. Hot springs. With rowdy naked naked high school children running around in their birthday suits. As relaxing as this ought to be, it is far more terrifying than the idea of Serizawa-san in nothing but his… in nothing. Then again, perhaps not. If I could plot out the usual time schedule for their hot springs visit, perhaps I could avoid the noise. And a certain English teacher. Who will be very… naked loud and happy.

Blasted coffee stains.

( ”Private” )

Date:	2004-09-12 17:02
Subject:	Psychology students.
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent

A reminder to all Psychology students: your first paper is due by the end of this month. Please inform me as to who or what you have chosen to study, why, and how far you have analyzed your experiment.

If you have not chosen your guinea pig, come by my office so we can discuss potential victims over a cup of tea.

An additional notice: kindly do not remove the yellow seals, or drink the sacrificial cans of beer from the wrecked Chemistry laboratory on the third floor. Last I checked, empty cans littered the floor and several of the seals have been doodled upon... This is not an amusing matter.

Also, one of my branding irons is missing.

Date:	2004-09-08 10:17
Subject:	Changes.
Security:	Public
Mood:	complacent

A number of students have expressed their concern regarding the changes I have made in the course syllabi. As such, I have a suggestion for you. Remove the golden cucumber from the display case, and take it out into the wilderness. Remove your shoes. Then, find a comfortable spot, sit down and gaze at the cucumber piece until it speaks to you, thereby granting eternal enlightenment to the issue. Spend a day if you must. Return the cucumber to the case, and drop by my office to explain what knowledge you have attained.

If the guardian spirit of the cucumber fails to appear before you, I would further suggest the use of a wooden stick against your cranium. Three time's the charm.

Should all else fail, take to gazing at the statue of our Dean instead.

On a side note, kindly show some respect to Sakamoto-san until he has been housebroken.

Date:	2004-09-05 09:36
Subject:	Course requirements.
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

( All psychology students )

Date:	2004-06-10 08:38
Subject:	Stress fact for the day.
Security:	Public
Mood:	working

Hn. As I had been advised in the conference, it is best to post at least one stress fact a month to help allay the fears of students. I have altered this little passage a tad bit, as Kyuuri is a rather special exception. [puts on reading glasses]

"...the features of post-traumatic stress disorder that become most exaggerated in chronically traumatized people are avoidance or constriction. When the victim has been reduced to a goal of simple survival, psychological constriction becomes an essential form of adaptation. This narrowing applies to every aspect of life - to relationships, activities, thoughts, memories, emotions, and even sensations. And while this constriction is adaptive in captivity, it also leads to a kind of atrophy of the psychological capacities that have been suppressed and to the over-development of a solitary inner life.

As such, the quickest method to cure this disorder, would be to deliver a severe blow to the victim's head. It has also been scientically proven that a 300V electric charge through the body would help return the suppressed capacities, if only temporarily."

Have a good day.

Date:	2004-06-07 08:12
Subject:	GRAH.
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

NO RESPECT FOR THE DEAD. NO RESPECT, THAT'S WHAT YOU THICK-HEADED MORTALS GOT. >[

FIRST THE HAMSTERS. MIMI AND WHAT, MOOMOO? OKAY. AH CAN DEAL WITH YOUR FAT LIL' MOUSE-BEATIN' COW-NAMED FIENDS FROM HELL, SINCE ITOU GAVE ME A PLACE IN HIS CLASS. GOOD MAN, THAT ITOU. HEAR YOU'RE CHASING THE NEW KID IN SCHOOL, HAVE FUN WITH THAT! >3

AND THEN SAISAI COMES ALONG TO CHECK ON THE HOUSE. WHOEVER STUCK THAT GARGANTUAN STICK UP HIS ASS HAD BETTER OWN UP, BECAUSE I'M PULLIN' THAT WHOPPER OUT AND BEATING YOU TO DEATH WITH IT. THE MOODY NUT GOT ALL PISSY WHEN I DUMPED A BUCKET OF TOILET WATER ON HIM, AND NAILED ME TO THE HOUSE TWO BLOCKS DOWN. THE HOUSE WITH THIS SICK PAIR OF OL' BIDDIES WHO'RE MORE REPRESSED THAN OL' TOSHI AND THINK THEY'RE STILL YOUNG ENOUGH TO GET A LITTLE FRISKY UNDER THE SHEETS. THAT WAS /SICK/. SICK I TELL YOU. SICK BEYOND... UGH. SAISAI, YOU SHOULD SEE A THERAPIST ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM, YOU PSYCHO.

ALTHOUGH, MAKING HIM ANGRY ENOUGH TO CRACK IN HIS PSYCH CLASS WOULD BE FUN. [cackle] ANYONE LIKE THAT IDEA? >D

[OOC: Saitoh's taking a break... expect lots of Serizawa posts. ^^;; *goes back to slacking*]

Date:	2004-05-20 20:37
Subject:	Hn.
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

Obviously the trio is doing a goob job of welcoming the new student into Kyuuri High. Not to mention Skanks and Serizawa-san. I expect to see him in my office, seeking a therapy session, in less than twenty hours. The Kyuuri spirit triumphs once again, banzai.

Aside from Itou-san, would anyone else require a therapy session? I will confess that the 'shirt' is still haunting me, so something tangible might help take my mind off it.

And not the physical definition of 'tangible', Itou-san, thank you.

Date:	2004-05-16 21:52
Subject:	BORED.
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored
Music:	nursery rhymes for children

LONG TIME NO POST. EY, EVER HEAR I'MA LITTLE TEAPOT? >D

[sings]

TOSHI'S VERY CHUNKY, FAT AND STOUT
ALL HE HAS IS BEEFCAKES
POPPING OUT~

KAAAHAHAHA~!

SO ER, YOU GUYS AIN'T GETTING MICE-EATING HAMSTERS RIGHT?

[OOC: One last post before I leave for Japan... might disappear for 3 days ne! *cuddles all*]

Date:	2004-05-10 19:18
Subject:	...Hn.
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

Tani-san has been most kind. I have his contacts, as well as his precious banana, which he has so generously given me. Akesato, your company was much appreciated.

To the new student: Pierce-san, welcome to Kyuuri High. If you ever require a therapy session, feel free to drop by.

And now, to my main concern.

I have found an unfamiliar white shirt in the laundry upon my return. Ryouma and Taro-san have no idea whose it is. Would anyone happen to know?

Date:	2004-05-08 10:14
Subject:	Nagasaki
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

Akesato, your wonderful company is much appreciated. Not to mention your valuable help with the accent.

I am, most unfortunately, having a communication problem. The Northern 'Sagaben' is terribly difficult to speak and comprehend and as such, the taxi driver, assuming that I was an ignorant tourist from the capital, brought me to the Peace Park instead of the conference venue. Fascinating memorials about the atomic bomb and such, but not quite the place I had intended to be in.

Eventually, I found my way to the building, where the receptionist thankfully spoke like a normal person. Some of my Kyuushuu colleagues insisted on teaching me the accent after hearing my tragic story.

And so, I have learnt these useful little phrases in 'Sagaben'.

行かんば いかん。

"I have to go."

胡瓜の渇れとうけん、もう捨てる。

"The cucumber has dried up from lack of water, I shall throw it away."

俺をこげん目で見らんや。

"Stop eyeing me with that kind of eyes."

バナナの腐とうけん食われんばい。

"I cannot eat [this] for the banana has gone bad."

Hn. Kyuushuu folks are an odd bunch. How are the rest of you managing in civilised Tokyo?

Date:	2004-05-04 16:54
Subject:	Notice.
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

Along with the mandatory inoculations Yoshida-san will be holding, I wish to conduct a round of head examinations as well. The number of people seeking therapy has increased over the past few weeks, and I would like to ensure that the rest of the student body has a healthy mind.

The staff, is of course, included in this inspection.

Note, however, that if I find a defect, I would have to conduct MRI scans and connect an EEG machine via electrodes to the top of your skull. As such, hair would be a hindrance.

Don't worry, the shaver will be sterilised.

Date:	2004-04-30 09:14
Subject:	So.
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

I like my glasses. The optometrist thought that not only did I appear more intelligent with glasses, but I also looked like a gecko with them on. I told him that he looked like an alien baby wearing a toupee. He was not amused for some reason.

The repair workers called today. Apparently a lunatic by the name of Tokio had turned up to throw a tantrum at them for working so slowly. At first, they laughed in jest, until one of the workers nearly had a screwdriver shoved down his throat.

I have promised to raise their tip.

Also, Hijikata-san, I have no doubt that Tokio has something up her sleeves again. Be wary.

I am glad to see that Saya-san and Yamazaki-san are still alive. To Yamazaki-san, another note about the human subjects I have requested for: should any of them have been tainted by Itou-san's touch, I would rather not have them either as sterilizing people in boiling water takes time and energy.

( Ryouma... )

Date:	2004-04-26 08:46
Subject:	Hn.
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

Not much.

Taro-san is back, and his owner overjoyed.

The cut across my cheek has stopped bleeding. I wonder if it will form a permanent scar.

Hijikata-san, I apologize and hope you are able to walk less stiffly soon; you look like a gutted penguin.

And I shall be visiting the local optometrist today regarding my eyeballs' condition.

( For Yamanami-san. )

Date:	2004-04-24 19:26
Subject:	....
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	Some bizarre rap about ninja turtles(?) from Ryouma's CD

I seem to be having trouble reading any text that is placed right in front of me.

Perhaps a case of exhaustion.

And no, I do not require glasses.

Ryouma certainly has an interesting selection of music in the house.

Date:	2004-04-21 23:53
Subject:	Ugh.
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

First, Itou-san disrupts our camp meeting. You never cease to amaze me with your opportune timing, Itou-san.

Then, I returned to my house. Ryouma-san, I apologize. It appears that I am going to stay with you for a while.

Holes everywhere. Doors falling off their hinges. Shelves collapsing. Gnaw marks the size of a beaver's teeth on the table edges; don't want to know. The cheese cowering in the corner of the bathroom. One committed suicide by hurling itself into the john, its dead corpse now floating in the water.

Needless to say, I was most displeased. So I stepped up to the second floor to check on the destruction. Without warning, the floor gave out and had me crashing onto the couch below, which in turn smashed through the floor and landed heavily in the basement.

I have decided that the basement needs dusting.

Where are those blasted bug exterminators and repair workers?

On a brighter note, there seems to be something intriguing happening within the trio. Although it only involves two of the members. Hn.

[Edit] I have to speak to Tokio about a little hamster-napping case tonight before Ryouma sinks permanently into a pit of despair and sticks his head into the electric oven. Do you still wish to accompany me, Hijikata-san, Yoshida-san?

Date:	2004-04-14 00:36
Subject:	Hn.
Security:	Public
Mood:	complacent

Itou-san, I have come to a preliminary conclusion after our first therapy session. You need a brain transplant and a full body wash before it gets bad. At this stage, you are already close to incurable.

To the horny three, have your nut meetings elsewhere. My house is off-limits. Not to mention the fact that you'll scare off the repair workers and I would have to impose further on Ryouma. The man's apartment is as cramped enough without my presence and my soba supply.

Also, a particularly nosy member of the dead has gleefully informed me about a recent tampon fetish. Explanations, please, before I am forced to form my own assumptions about the matter.

The parking lot smells of rotten garbage today. Itou-san, may I suggest that we look for a different brand of cologne for you. Something less strong might do the trick.

To anyone else who would like to schedule a therapy/counselling session, please do so. My door is always open. Unless you happen to be a desperate fan pimp, in which case, I would have to remove your special man device before you enter.

Date:	2004-04-11 13:51
Subject:	FREE!
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

ANYONE MISS ME?

I KNEW THE TERMITES WERE A GOOD IDEA. HEY, I OUGHTA DUMP A FEW IN OL' TOSHI'S UNDIES EH? KAAHAHA~

SO ANYWAY, AH HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY NEWFOUND FREEDOM. NEIGHBORS ARE TOO BORING. ITOU AND SKANKY-POO SEEM TO HAVE SOMETHING UP THEIR SLEEVES THOUGH; SOMETHING 'BOUT A PIG BOSS. UPDATE ME, YOU TWO ASS-RAPISTS!

OH GOAT MAN, IF YOU SEE A DARK BRUISE ON SAISAI'S NECK, THAT'S MAH MARK KAAAHAHA >D HAD A LITTLE SKIRMISH AFTER I TRIED TO PUT THE CHEESE THROUGH THE GRATER AND I HAD TO BITE HIM BEFORE HE COULD STAB ME WITH THEM BLESSED OBJECTS AGAIN! LUCKY THING, HE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO PACKING, SOMETHING ABOUT LEAVING TO GOAT MAN'S HOUSE. CAN AH COME TOO, THE MAN'S GOT A GOOD SIX PACK, KEKEKEKE. EY, TOUDOU, YOU'RE THE CHEESE ORATOR, TELL THE MAD MAN THAT THE GRATER HELPS TO SPEED UP THE CHEESE'S ASEXUAL DIVISION. MORE CHEESE BABIES, NO? >D

OH AND TOSHI, YOU'RE QUITTING YOUR WEED? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU MAN? YOUR BRAIN'S WIRED ENOUGH WITHOUT THE STUFF... REMEMBER THE BRIGHT WHIRL OF COLORS? EH? REMEMBER? THEY'RE PRETTY COLORS!

ALSO, I'VE HEARD ABOUT THE INSPECTION KAAHAHA >D NOW THAT TEH SEX MASTER IS FREE, HE'SA GONNA SHOW THEM SOMETHING WORTH INSPECTING, YOU BETCHA!

Date:	2004-04-09 12:45
Subject:	Purr.
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

The tiles on the second floor collapsed last night, along with the bed that was resting on it. The kitchen is now a mess.

After a brief inspection, I can safely conclude that Serizawa-san has set a batch of hungry termites into my woodwork. The old man needs a new hobby. As such, I have allowed him to roam free and terrorise the neighbours to his heart's content, at least until the termite problem is resolved.

On a brighter note, I've been having soba three meals a day for the past few days. Most delightful. Come visit again soon, Hijikata-san.

Date:	2004-04-05 14:24
Subject:	Brains.
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent

I need more brains for class. My jars are empty. Ever since I brought that rabid porcupine home, things have gone missing. I have come to the conclusion that its slobber must be acidic. How it screwed the lid off and corroded the brains out with the fluid still intact though, is beyond me.

Would be most obliged if someone could point me to a willing brain donor.

Date:	2004-04-02 10:35
Subject:	Now a father.
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

I don't quite recall how this happened, but we wives have decided to break apart from the head family and form a little branch of our own. Okita-san, Ryouma-kun and I welcome you gladly.

Hijikata-san, if you wish to date our son, bring soba. My supply is dwindling.

Also, I require new underwear. It is beginning to feel a little breezy in the nether regions with all the holes the mice have created.

Lastly, Itou-san. I do not appreciate being called a 'toy', much less a 'toy to be played with'. The usual traps have been set up around my office so don't bother visiting.